My head is barren, I cannot conjure thoughts even if I will it nor am I able to seek solace and serenity in spirituality. What is the cause of this after effect or is it an initial stage? This state of mind is bothering. I have tried to cram this hollow circle of abyss with all that interests me and that could pacify and calm me, but unfortunately it is no interest or settling at all. One would think that you tell your body what to do and your brain what to think but in this bizarre case my body is overruling me, and for what? Just to be left empty? If I relate my state of mind to my friend she would deny it impossible, since to her you control yourself and your life and you do what YOU want. She would say ‘you should know what the cause of your situation is kiara ‘. At times like these I often think that I am not entirely in control of myself and I can’t help not being in control and also that I don’t know myself as one should, but I can do nothing about it. I have rendered myself blank and clueless, if one can do that. Well its useless pondering over it since I won’t be able to uncover any answers and yes while my brain hasn’t found some interest to be interested in or attachment to get attached to or even seek solace in spirituality, I sit here forcing my brain to think about the situation without a solution and my hands to write it down. In this grain of time, life is pointless. In this quest to uncover the unknown, my brain is in the mode of information hiding.